Be Gay For A Day

Men in tights.

It’s pretty hard to make a fashion statement when all you’re allowed to wear are shoes, shorts, a tanktop, and cornrows …and that’s exactly how David Stern likes it. But despite the commissioner’s best efforts to fill the league with hundreds of bland and featureless body doubles, every few years a new fashion craze hits the NBA.

Some of the previous trends have been desperately needed innovations, like when Michael Jordan brought baggy shorts into vogue, saving us all from a decade of a Shaquille O’Neal crotch shots. Others were silly and, thankfully, short-lived, like back in the 80s when Magic Johnson and the Lakers starting wearing bike shorts under their normal short-shorts. Others have been terrifying beyond the capacity for rational thought, like when Rik Smits, Chris Mullin, and the rest of the Pacers shaved their heads en masse for the 1998 NBA Playoffs. The current trend definitely falls into that last “mind-numbing horror” category: full leg tights.

“We’re men, manly men, we’re men in tights, tights, tights…”

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Not surprisingly, it appears that our favorite basketball villain Kobe Bryant is responsible for starting this new style. I was hoping his little habit would be laughed off and quickly dismissed, you know, like his rape charges. But I was wrong …so very, very wrong. Everybody is starting to wear these godless monstrosities, from all-stars like Michael Redd (who’s actually alternating between white tights at home and black on the road) to unknown bench jockeys like Rashad McCants (whom you didn’t recognize above). The final straw for me was when I saw resident lardass and heart-patient Eddy Curry wearing them. Eddy Curry!! If the commish doesn’t draft some kind of anti-tights legislation, and soon, I’m putting out a hit.

Last. Fucking. Straw.

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Men in tights: The “I’m sorry letter“.

(Be Gay For A Day 15/12 2005 @ 15.30)

It really, really pains me to admit this, but it looks as though I was wrong earlier today when I blamed Kobe Bryant for starting the tights craze. According to an article over at the ESPN Web site, Jerry Stackhouse wore man-hose all throughout last year’s playoffs. And here’s the proverbial smoking gun:

Hopefully Stackhouse will burn in hell for starting this trend.

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So, Kobe, wherever you are (probably icing your shoulder from hoisting up all those shots last night), I apologize. But I still think you’re a dick.

The original men in tights that works.

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Labels: Michael Jordan / Shaquille O’Neal / Rik Smits / Chris MullinMagic Johnson / Michael Redd / Rashad McCants / Eddy Curry / Jerry Stackhouse / David Stern / Los Angeles Lakers / Indiana Pacers / 1998 NBA Playoffs / NBA Playoffs / NBA / Be Gay For A Day

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