Word on the Street

Mario (mar’-e-o’) noun. Denotes those occasions in which a player logs less than one minute of playing time and therefore fails to compile any meaningful statistics.

Usage example:Not surprisingly, Mario West was the 2007-08 league leader in Marios.”

Word history: The word was coined yesterday – May 6, 2008 – by an anonymous reader who couldn’t help but notice my season-long quest to point out Mario West’s many sub-minute performances. “I think a trillion that doesn’t even make it to the one minute mark should be officially nicknamed a ‘Mario.’ Trillions may be embarrassing, but a Mario makes you wish you became a car salesman.”

The suggestion was absolutely brilliant, and sure beat the unofficial “sub-minute men” designation I had been using.

Additional information: Poor Mario. The guy appeared in 64 regular season games and averaged around four minutes per. He saw so little PT that there are only two pictures of him on his Yahoo profile page …and both of those photos show him on the bench sporting crisp, clean warmups.

Of those 64 games, he played less than one minute in 20 of them. Of those 20 games, he played 10 seconds or less in 11 of them, including games of 1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds (three times), 5 seconds, 6 seconds, 8 seconds (twice), 9 seconds, and 10 seconds.

Mario Also appear in six of the Hawks’ seven playoff games. He somehow managed to average exactly one minute per game, with games of 03:20, 00:31, 00:09, 00:20, 00:03, and 01:36. You’ll notice that most of his PT came in Games 1 and 7, the two biggest blowouts of the series.

All I can say is, that’s some damned cruelty on the part of Atlanta coach Mike Woodson. Forget free Darko …free Mario!

Update! Silent Assassin reader Phenomenal Cosmic Power provided more fan brilliance with the following braingasm: “Might I suggest that a <10-second game be called a SUPER MARIO!? And then, what if 2 or more players each logged a Super Mario? SUPER MARIO BROTHERS?!” All I can say is: Done and done.

More additional information: Mr. Cosmic Power has taken a real interest Mr. West. An unhealthy interest, perhaps? That’s not for us to judge. “I felt a litte bad for our boy Mario, so I dug up some more stats that I hope will cheer him up!”

Hawks winning % when Mario logs:
DNP – 33%
Super Mario – 45%
Mario – 50%
No Mario – 48%
More than 10 minutes (a Wario?) – 67%

“Wow. Talk about a direct correlation between Mario’s playing time and the Hawks winning! I kid you not. FREE MARIO!”

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Labels: Mario West (Mr. West, Super Mario) / Darko Milicic / Mike Woodson / Atlanta Hawks / NBA Playoffs / NBA / Word on the Street

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