Word on the Street

Passer’s Remorse (pas’-uhrz ri-mors’) noun. An emotional condition whereby a pickup baller experiences an immediate and gut-wrenching sense of regret after making a pass.

Usage example:I suffered from an intense case of passer’s remorse after dishing the ball to Bad Defense Guy on game point.”

Word history: Silent Assassin coined the term – which is an obvious takeoff of buyer’s remorse – while me and some buddies were making a list of the people in our pickup league to whom we should never pass the ball. It was generally agreed that passer’s remorse typically occurs after the following events:

1. A straight up bad pass.

2. An overly fancy pass that results in a turnover or spoils an easy score. Such as, for instance, when the ball handler jumps in the air before dishing a no-looker or tries to make a behind-the-back pass on the fast break. Or any behind-the-back pass, for that matter. These distributions rarely end well …or end up in the hands of a teammate for that matter. Memo to pickup ballers everywhere: There is no SportsCenter for pickup leagues.

3. When you pass the ball only because you don’t realize how wide open you are. Like when somebody hits you under the basket, and you’re sure that some big dude is waiting behind you, ready to deliver an atom smasher. Only after you dish the rock do you realize the horrible truth: You were all alone. (But since pickup ballers miss 50-60 percent of their layups, open or otherwise, that might actually have been the best decision.)

4. When you pass the ball to a Black Hole, SWAC, or a NBDM (Notoriously Bad Decision Maker). It’s usually clear from the look in his eyes – well before the ball even touches his greedy, twitching fingers – that he’s putting up the shot no matter what.

5. When you pass the ball to a truly awful player. This happened to me just last night. I drove baseline and, when the defense collapsed, shovel-passed to a teammate who was wide open for a two-footer. Unfortunately, since I was using my peripheral vision, I didn’t realize until it was too late that he was free for a reason: He’s the worst player in our league. (We’ve nicknamed him “The Human Turnover.”) Terrible players are particularly dangerous to teammates who have been conditioned to always hit the open man. Note that there are certain players who should never be allowed to come into contact with the ball. Partly because they suck and will (most likely) somehow manage to ruin the play, and partly because whatever they have may be catching, and you’re probably going to have to touch that ball again.


Labels: Word on the Street


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